I’m only happy when it rains…

I only smile in the dark
My only comfort is the night gone black
I didn’t accidentally tell you that
I’m only happy when it rains

Pour your misery down on me

I’m only happy when it rains
You wanna hear about my new obsession?
I’m riding high upon a deep depression
I’m only happy when it rains

Mood wise, it’s been a very dark week!

My depression managed to find it’s way into scary territory, to the point where thoughts about ‘checking out’ were staring straight at me. Not only did I fear for my life, I also feared for my sanity. I felt like I was crossing over to the point of no return. And I was completely shit scared!

Following a broken nights sleep, I’ve slept much of today away. Anxiety is what got me out of bed eventually. Now I’m in a calm and partially numb state. As far as today goes, I think the weather is playing a significant part. It is the second month of spring, and yet today is cold and miserable. For whatever reason, I’m finding comfort in that. I’m not ready for the warmer weather. Not with the way I’m feeling.

Maybe it’s because it’s a Saturday. I feel no obligation to the world. The guilt and emptiness of a life not being fulfilled isn’t bubbling away in the pressure cooker. Self loathing has also taken a backward step. It might just only be for the day, but at least there is some relief.

Today I’m cutting myself some slack. There is no threat. I am safe. The depression can linger. I don’t particularly care right now.

It might only the the depression talking, but the lyrics pasted above, are a true reflection of the way I feel at this very minute.

Pour your misery down on me. I’m only happy when it rains.

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